If I had to rank all of my goals in order of highest priority it would go as follows:
1. Get off pain meds
2. Strengthen legs to equal strength
3. Run pain free
4. Work Full-time
5. Be quick & agile
6. Buy car/move out
7. Play all sports again
During physical therapy, when asked about goals, he responded: to be able to wrestle again, to be able to pitch again, to be able to run again, and to be able to sprint again.
Then I asked Eric, "When do you think you'd like to be doing those things?" His answer was full of wisdom. He said there is no time deadline, but that when he could do those things, he would know he had reached his goals. He never said "if" and he did not place an arbitrary deadline onto the goals. His "when" seemed to be in perfect alignment with God. How wise!
God talks about the "if" and "when" of faith and believing. Jesus was summoned by a desperate father to heal a sick child. The father says to Jesus, "If you can, please heal my son" And Jesus scolds the man, "If you can?" "Everything is possible for one who believes!" And then the father quickly comes to his own defense, saying, "I do believe but help me Jesus with my unbelief!" (see Mark 9:23-25)
We also ask, "When Lord, how long, Lord, how long?" King David cried out in anguish in Psalm 6:3 those very words. How much longer Lord? When can I have an answer? When is it enough? When will you come to my rescue?
At his worst pain in Hawaii, Eric looked at me, eyes filled with desperation mixed with a bit of despair, and asked, "When will this end? What if it doesn't get better?"
Those are some tormenting questions from a child. I don't remember what I said. What would you say to someone in deep agony where no one- not even the experts- sees any light at the end of the tunnel? That is the "IF" that screams in us during our times of extreme torment. When Eric's head was throbbing, and his nerves were on fire, and every move, sound, and sensation was like a knife stabbing him, he wondered IF it would get better. He cried out for an answer to "When will this end?!". And fought off the disturbing, "What if it doesn't?"
I remember being on my knees in the chilly, basement chapel of Hilo Medical Center- begging God with the words of Psalm 6:3- How much longer, Lord? How much longer? Please let things change! MOVE! NOW!
I learned to rest on faith that God's timing is best. He has reasons beyond my comprehension. He hears our cries and asks us to believe that EVERYTHING is possible with Him.
To take the "when" and apply it to Eric's list:
1. He is still on pain medications. Just today he asked us to run to the pharmacy to pick up his refills. He is needing less pain medication as time goes by. It's a slow journey but we see progress, for sure.
2. His gait includes a slight limp. Equal strength in the legs- not yet. But strong enough to run. Limp-schmimp.
3. He runs now. Not sure it is pain-free but I do think that the pain he encounters is the day after a hard run, not during. I'll ask!
4. Work full time. Well he worked full time this summer and he is in school full time now. That sounds like a resounding NOW!
5. He demonstrates improvements in both quickness and agility. He would not be pitching 70 MPH to the U of M Women's team if he did not have some speed and agility. Room for improvement, probably- but is that not true for all of us with most everything?
6. He has a car and he moved out. Now. And now.
7. He played football with the cousins at Thanksgiving. He ran in the Turkey Trot they threw together. He played softball all summer. He wrestled in the High School wrestling room as an alumni. All with some limitations.
Lots of "now" answers to the "when" question. But lots of "not yet" to others. Perhaps "never" to some. But only because that will be the best answer for the most people for the most glory to God.
Go ahead- ask God when!
No comments:
Post a Comment