I miss her more as the days go by. She lived with her husband, Bob, in East Grand Forks, MN. That is about a five hour trip on a day of sunshine and clean roads. It becomes a seven + hour trip when the snow flies and the winds blow. Interstate 94 simply closes down all together when the weather decides to turn nasty.
Aggie made that trip many times over the years. She'd travel down to Watertown fairly often but it could be weeks or sometimes months before we would see one another. So, when I didn't see her after she passed, it was hard for me to remember that she really wasn't just "up north" and that she wouldn't be traveling down in a "few weeks".
It's been about eight months since she passed and it's really sinking in that she is not coming home. It's been too long a stretch since we last saw her. And it has been far too long since her last Facebook message or her last Caring Bridge post.
I miss her more now than ever. Things happen in my days when I know she would have encouraged me had I shared a trouble with her. She'd have had her restaurant 'regulars' praying for Eric and certainly would have kept them up-to-date on all that he has accomplished post-Hawaii. Of all the people who posted on Caring Bridge, Aggie posted most often. She sent us "little gifts" and anyone who knew her will understand what I mean by "little gifts" without further explanation. She enjoyed finding something little and special that would speak to the person receiving it.
For me, the last gift I received from Aggie was a delicate snowflake charm on a necklace chain. It was meant to remind us of the 'blizzard of love' that took over Eric's hospital room. The blizzard of paper snowflakes arrived in a large manila envelope. People from all over Watertown wrote words of encouragement on paper snowflakes. Dozens and dozens and dozens of those snowflakes created a virtual "white out" of love on Eric's hospital walls. We still have each one. Eric will need to dig those out and re-read them. Perhaps read them for the first time. So much of his time was spent resting and recuperating that I doubt he had energy or eyesight to read them all!
But I did! And I remember sitting in amazement realizing all the people who cared enough to stop by the Watertown Pharmacy to sign a snowflake. Wow. Don't ever underestimate the power of a small gesture. Don't ever not "bother" because your idea seems insignificant. Those snowflakes arrived when Eric needed all the encouragement he could get. He was coming out of ICU and his bladder and bowels were in a coma. He had lost his ability to walk and he was shocked that he could not find the energy to sit on the side of the bed (without falling over) for more than 30 seconds. To sit up on the side of the bed was so hard. So hard that those first days of Physical Therapy (PT) consisted of sitting up at the side of the bed for one minute and then being done. Done! I remember the first day they asked him to stand up, using a walker in front of him, a safety belt attached to his waist and two Physical Therapists at his sides-- he stood for a few moments (count to five?) and then sat back down and wanted to lie down and go back to sleep! The PT's made him do that again. Oh, the gall of those therapists...stand again?!
But back to the small things and my sister Aggie. She sent me this beautiful snowflake necklace and she sent Eric a glass crystal angel. Small in size. Big in power! I think she sent the snowflake necklace in part because she was unable to be a part of the local paper snowflake campaign. Those paper snowflakes were simply paper to the outside world. They were heaven's power for Eric and me.
A little third grader from Mr. Becker's classroom sent a card with an angel drawn on the front. Inside it said, "put this card under your pillow when you go to sleep. It will keep you from being afraid and you will be safe." Do you think that Eric thought this was insignificant? It was those types of gestures that gave him the courage to fight another day. Do you get that?
Do the small things. Those opportunities when you think, "I should do or send or say..." but wonder if it will matter. Do it! Send it! And by all means, say it!
I miss her more after writing this.
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