Lesson # 12: The Weather Doesn't Matter!

I do not think I will find a reader that will argue that the Minnesota weather for April 2013 has been ridiculous.  The wind is howling as I write.  It is whipping our little windmill around so fast the blades nearly disappear from view.  And it is cold.  Downright cold.  I think the "high" this week will be a whopping forty degrees- maybe.

The schools have cancelled, rescheduled and cancelled the reschedules for baseball and softball.  Not thinking the track season is going much better.  And golf?  Well, the five inches of snow on the ground has probably delayed tee-time, you think?

It's what we talk about in Minnesota.  The weather.  And God has granted us a lot to talk about this April!  It really has not been April.  It's been more like March with a twist of January.  It's not easy, this non-spring spring.  Gardeners, farmers, athletes, and classroom teachers must all be coming to their wits end.  But the thing is, the weather really doesn't matter.

It rained every single day I was in Hilo, Hawaii.  Every. Single. Day.  And it not only rained, it poured.  Some days it rained twelve inches.  The sun did come out and the day it did, I went to the beach and soaked it all up.  It was magical. Hawaiian tropics, on the beach, in the sun, with a gentle breeze on my face.  The sun came out one other day.  I drove to the beach to sit and relax.  By the time my feet hit the sand, it was raining again.  I stayed on the beach just like the kids in the water.  Let it rain, I am at the beach in Hawaii!

The weather did not change Eric's condition.  I could have cursed the rain and the clouds.  I could have begged for the sun. I could have let it get to me, but I didn't.  Because I had another choice.  I had options.  We all do.  And one of the options was to embrace the rain.  To let the rain fall as it may.  To enjoy the rainfall, the sound of the water falling onto the metal rooftop. To watch it fill the streets before it made its way down the mountain and back to the sea from which is came.  I loved the rain.   I cherished the two days of sun, but I loved the rain.  Not because it was great having to use an umbrella every day.  Not because it was easy driving in it.  Not because it was fun to get wet and feel damp for hours afterward.  I loved the rain because it was what God had chosen.

I could not change the weather any more than I could change places with Eric.  I had no more control over trading the sun for the rain than I did in trading my healthy body for Eric's sick one.  I know Eric's dad would have done it in a heartbeat- allow his son relief and take it on for himself.  I was not so brave as to think I could even survive the trade.  Eric told me, "Mom, no offense, but I don't think you could endure this."  I defended my strength, but I did have to wonder...

When we bemoan the weather or the circumstances we find ourselves in, we do not change anything.  And change is what we want, really.  Deep down when we complain about the current situation, we want another situation.  We want warm, not cold. We want calm, not stormy. We want health, not sickness.  We want life, not death.

But the lesson I learned in Hawaii's rainy season was that it is a season and we are best to embrace it.  You do not have to go so far as love today's weather or love the circumstances that break your heart.   But it will be more peaceful in the long run if you accept this season in your life and find something good about it.  You may have to dig deep to find something to treasure about your current weather pattern, but do the digging- it is worth it.

It will help to remember this is a season.  When Eric was his sickest and I was most scared, it did help to consider how glorious it would be when Eric would smile again, laugh again, and we would get to go home.  The stormy weather we were in has provided us with the awareness of how GOOD the sunny days are!

I think when the first really  nice day of spring arrives in Minnesota, people all over the world will hear our collective, "Hallelujah!"

Lesson #11 Ask God Your Hardest Questions

One thing I have learned that has set me free in many ways, is that I can and ought to take my hardest questions to the King.  Some might suggest we should not question God.  Some might think it is disobedient to ask difficult, messy, embarrassing, impossible questions of the One who rules the world. But I say, this is precisely the reason we MUST ask Him those questions.  Who else on earth is going to be able to answer you?

If the Bible tells us that it is all a bit of a blur, that no one can really see things clearly (for now we see things in a mirror dimly; now we know in part - 1 Corinthians 12:13)  and the Bible tells us that humans can't really know the reasons why things happen because we can't think like God (As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your and my thoughts higher than your thoughts, says the Lord- Isaiah 55:9) then why do we think we can go to our pastors, our friends, and our family to get answers to our toughest questions?

They don't know any more than we know!  We all have blurred vision.  So, what do we do with our questions?  Stuff them down so deep they rarely surface?  Get really busy with something to avoid noticing they have surfaced?  Berate ourselves for thinking such thoughts?

No, we gotta ask the questions!   Don't you ever wonder?  Why did that child die?  What makes sense that a great daddy is taken from a family too soon?  Where is the mercy in a chronic illness?  How come a woman who desperately wants a child is infertile? Why her? Why him?  Why me?  Why not me?

I have had my share of questions over the years.  One of them centered around a prayer for healing that was answered with death, instead.  Another tough question focused on a hard life where the woman never seemed to have had the opportunity to dance, and what kind of life is it where you never dance? Another big question of mine has to do with a great dad who got cancer and depression and left this world never having much good happen between the diagnosis and the grave.

Where can you go with those questions?  Get really busy and stay really busy and ride the train called "Avoidance" as long as it is on the tracks.  If it stops, get on the next train named, "Distraction"  It'll drive you no where - but you'll get there fast!

How about we stop.  We get off the crazy train.  We sit.  We still our souls.  We let the questions resurface.  And we ask God.  And keep asking until we find some sort of satisfaction.  We may not get the answers, but I know we get peace.  The peace that surpasses all understanding.  The peace that doesn't make sense amid the questions.  You gotta keep asking!  And you gotta sit still long enough to hear His answers.  Be still and know that He is God- Psalm 46:10.

I know that it is absolutely OK to ask God the impossible questions.  How do I know this?  Because Jesus asked God a really hard question and if Jesus can do it, so can we!  As He hung on the cross, tortured, and in anguish, He asked it.  The really hard question!  "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?" Why have you left me all alone?  WHERE ARE YOU GOD?

Have you ever asked that?  Good for you!  Just be sure you don't run off before He has time to speak to your heart and your soul.  Those things take time.  And you have to get off the train before you'll hear Him.

Lesson #10 Some Pain is Silent, Almost Invisible...

It has been a few weeks, maybe even a month since I last wrote.  Not for lack of lessons from Hurricane Hilo.  It just seems that this lesson has been simmering for a while and it wasn't quite 'right' for the sharing.  Most likely it was just me thinking that...

This lesson is from the silent, invisible part of the Hurricane- not the Eric Reinert part but the Holly Reinert part.  Holly has given me full permission to share her story- but up until I had permission, it was  hidden from the public eye.  As it should be.

All the while I was in Hawaii (and before I got there and after, too) Holly was suffering from major depression.  She was trying to deal with it on her own.  Then trying some medication.  Then trying no medication.  Then convincing herself it was not real.  All in a small, isolated, dark corner of the world.  She left for a job in Nebraska in August- without saying good-bye.  In the days before I flew out to be with Eric in Hawaii, I was honestly more concerned with Holly's well-being than Eric's.

With Eric's ordeal, I cried out to the entire world through emails, Facebook, and Caring Bridge.  I had a voice and I used it to ask for prayers and to release the pain and stress of the situation.  With Holly, I had no such platform.  While the world prayed for Eric's recovery, specific prayer by specific prayer, only a handful of people even knew of Holly's illness and the need for the same level of prayer.  How could I ask the world to pray for Holly- she was not even speaking to me!

But people prayed.  And it made all the difference.  I want to tell you this in case you think that you have to have a huge army of prayer warriors in order to get the King to pay attention.  Not the case.  Although I know that a large army of pray-ers stormed the gates of Heaven on Eric's behalf, I also know that the earnest prayers of a handful of faithful carried the same weight in God's eyes for Holly.

I tell you this to encourage you.  You do not have to share your story across the airwaves and cyberspace to find your answers.  Maybe yours is a personal, silent, almost invisible storm- raging inside, rather than outside.  Maybe there is no desire, like Holly, to broadcast your needs to every man and their uncle.  Maybe you want to, but you simply can't.  I am not so sure Holly did not want the same outcry for her pain relief as Eric.  It was just different.

My way of handling Eric's ordeal was not better or worse than the way I handled Holly's - it was simply different.  God honors our faithfulness, and our authenticity-- getting real with God might mean shouting from the rooftop.  It might also mean closing the prayer closet and seeking an appointment with the King behind locked doors.

The point is this:  whatever pain you are in (well known, highly-visible, and public or quiet, silent, almost invisible to the outside world) the answer is GET TO GOD!  Get real.  Ask the tough questions, seek His reply, wait until you have a satisfying answer-- otherwise keep asking!

For both Eric and Holly- God intervened in a mighty powerful way!  His timing was perfect and though He seemed long in His answers...with some still coming, He has always been right on time.

One of the sweetest things I heard from a friend after Hawaii went like this:  She came up to me and said, "Sorry I did not post on Caring Bridge or email you but I have been praying...but to be honest, most of my prayers were for Holly"  Music to my ears!  It was those quiet, hidden, yet super-powerful prayers that made all the difference.

There were two instances during the worst of it for Holly that she considered overdosing.  Both times she heard God speak to her, telling her "no, I have a purpose for your life".  I know that I know that I know it was because of those quiet, unassuming, faithful, invisible saints out there praying for her that stopped something bad from getting worse.  Holly knows it too.

If you wonder how prayer works- I do not have an answer.  If you wonder IF prayer works, I will tell you I know that it does; it always does.  And sometimes our most powerful prayer comes in the form of breathing....

Honest sighing is faith breathing and whispering in the ear; the life is not out of faith, where there is sighing, looking up with the eyes, and breathing toward God.

                                                                                      - Samuel Rutherford (1600-1661)  

Lesson #9 - I Miss Her More

Not sure this is a Lesson directly from Hawaii, but it is on my mind as I think about how much my sister Aggie (who passed away in late June from a sudden brain aneurysm) would have enjoyed watching Eric's interview on TV tonight.

I miss her more as the days go by.  She lived with her husband, Bob, in East Grand Forks, MN.  That is about a five hour trip on a day of sunshine and clean roads.  It becomes a seven + hour trip when the snow flies and the winds blow.  Interstate 94 simply closes down all together when the weather decides to turn nasty.

Aggie made that trip many times over the years.  She'd travel down to Watertown fairly often but it could be weeks or sometimes months before we would see one another.  So, when I didn't see her after she passed, it was hard for me to remember that she really wasn't just "up north" and that she wouldn't be traveling down in a "few weeks".

It's been about eight months since she passed and it's really sinking in that she is not coming home.  It's been too long a stretch since we  last saw her.  And it has been far too long since her last Facebook message or her last Caring Bridge post.

I miss her more now than ever.  Things happen in my days when I know she would have encouraged me had I shared a trouble with her.  She'd have had her restaurant 'regulars' praying for Eric and certainly would have kept them up-to-date on all that he has accomplished post-Hawaii.  Of all the people who posted on Caring Bridge, Aggie posted most often.  She sent us "little gifts" and anyone who knew her will understand what I mean by "little gifts" without further explanation.  She enjoyed finding something little and special that would speak to the person receiving it.

For me, the last gift I received from Aggie was a delicate snowflake charm on a necklace chain.  It was meant to remind us of the 'blizzard of love' that took over Eric's hospital room. The blizzard of paper snowflakes arrived in a large manila envelope.  People from all over Watertown wrote words of encouragement on paper snowflakes.  Dozens and dozens and dozens of those snowflakes created a virtual "white out" of love on Eric's hospital walls.  We still have each one.  Eric will need to dig those out and re-read them. Perhaps read them for the first time.  So much of his time was spent resting and recuperating that I doubt he had energy or eyesight to read them all!

But I did!  And I remember sitting in amazement realizing all the people who cared enough to stop by the Watertown Pharmacy to sign a snowflake.  Wow.  Don't ever underestimate the power of a small gesture.  Don't ever not "bother" because your idea seems insignificant.  Those snowflakes arrived when Eric needed all the encouragement he could get.  He was coming out of ICU and his bladder and bowels were in a coma.  He had lost his ability to walk and he was shocked that he could not find the energy to sit on the side of the bed (without falling over) for more than 30 seconds.  To sit up on the side of the bed was so hard.  So hard that those first days of Physical Therapy (PT) consisted of sitting up at the side of the bed for one minute and then being done.  Done!  I remember the first day they asked him to stand up, using a walker in front of him, a safety belt attached to his waist and two Physical Therapists at his sides-- he stood for a few moments (count to five?) and then sat back down and wanted to lie down and go back to sleep!  The PT's made him do that again.  Oh, the gall of those therapists...stand again?!

But back to the small things and my sister Aggie.  She sent me this beautiful snowflake necklace and she sent Eric a glass crystal angel.  Small in size.  Big in power!    I think she sent the snowflake necklace in part because she was unable to be a part of the local paper snowflake campaign.  Those paper snowflakes were simply paper to the outside world.  They were heaven's power for Eric and me.

A little third grader from Mr. Becker's classroom sent a card with an angel drawn on the front.  Inside it said, "put this card under your pillow when you go to sleep.  It will keep you from being afraid and you will be safe."    Do you think that Eric thought this was insignificant?  It was those types of gestures that gave him the courage to fight another day.  Do you get that?

Do the small things.  Those opportunities when you think, "I should do or send or say..." but wonder if it will matter.   Do it!  Send it!  And by all means, say it!

I miss her more after writing this.  

Lesson #8 Worried? Just Add Oil

Worry.  There are quotes and sayings galore that justify worry as a mother’s right, a necessary component to her DNA, an unavoidable realism in her life.  But Jesus commanded us not to worry.  He gave strict orders to stop all that nonsense and trust Him.   Trust God.  Trust the Holy Spirit within us.

Even for a really good reason, worry does not change anything.  Worry does not help an outcome or a present situation.  There is no direct correlation to the amount of worry you stir up in your heart.  The formula does not equate:  the more I worry = the better things will get. 

No, worry instills greater fear. It perpetuates doubt.  It takes the candle of faith and blows it out.  It increases the darkness.  It backfires! 

Worry is fret.  Fret is like friction.  The way we demonstrate ‘fret’ in our body language really speaks the truth of how closely it resembles friction. When you are fretful and anxious, examine how your body responds.  Rubbing your face.  Wringing of hands.  Licking your lips.  Biting your nails. Pacing the floor. Tossing. Turning. Friction is a rubbing together of two dry items.  This creates heat.  And this heat can lead to dangerous things.

Ask any mechanic. They will tell you that friction is the enemy to a well running engine.  Things rub, heat increases, engine parts burn. Damage is done.  Engines can be repaired and replaced, but the good mechanic will shake his head at the waste.  They murmur, “All that was needed to keep things running smoothly for a long time was a little bit of oil” 

Maintenance. Check your oil. Fill up what is empty. Don’t let things heat up ‘til you crack or blow up. Don’t let the grain of sand rub you the wrong way. Someone was disrespectful, how dare they treat me that way!  It starts out little.  The mechanic knows that the oil usually leaks out drip by drip.  Let things go too long and it’s a big mess.

We find ourselves worried, nervous, anxious, fretting, troubled, and overwhelmed.  What can we do?  Answer: add oil.  The oil that is referred to in Psalm 23 (He anoints my head with oil) made a lot of sense to the early shepherds.  In his book, Philip Keller, a sheep herder in his day, eloquently described the powerful message of this oil.  Sheep bothered by tiny summer flies act a lot like people bothered by tiny annoyances.  In his words…

"For relief from this (summer flies) agonizing annoyance sheep will deliberately beat their heads against trees, rock, posts, or brush. They will rub them in the soil and thrash around against woody growth. In extreme cases of intense infestation a sheep may even kill itself in a frenzied endeavor to gain respite from the aggravation. Often advanced stages of infection from these flies will lead to blindness.

"...Only the strictest attention to the behavior of the sheep by the shepherd can forestall the difficulties of 'fly time.' At the very first sign of flies among the flock he will apply an antidote to their heads.

"I always preferred to use a homemade remedy composed of linseed oil, sulfur and tar which was smeared over the sheep's nose and head as a protection against nose flies.

"What an incredible transformation this would make among the sheep. Once the oil had been applied to the sheep's head there was an immediate change in behavior. Gone was the aggravation; gone the frenzy; gone the irritability and the restlessness. Instead, the sheep would start to feed quietly again, then soon lie down in peaceful contentment.

"This, to me is the exact picture of irritation in my own life. How easy it is for there to be a fly in the ointment of even my most lofty spiritual experience! So often it is the small, petty annoyances that ruin my repose.

"Just as with the sheep there must be continuous and renewed application of oil to forestall the 'flies' in my life, there must be a continuous anointing of God's gracious Spirit to counteract the every-present aggravations of personality conflicts. Only one application of oil, sulfur and tar was not enough for the entire summer. It was a process that had to be repeated. The fresh application was the effective antidote.”

This is the cure to all worry!  Ask the Lord to anoint your head with oil.  As often as the worries crop up.  Ask for His oil to relieve the friction, calm the spirit, and settle your heart.  He will!  And it does! 

Lesson #7 We Only Have Now

As much as I like to plan ahead and dream big dreams, I really don't have much control over anything.  It was when I was completely out of control in Hawaii that I realized how true Proverbs 19:21 is, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."

Try as I might to keep my family safe, keep them healthy, and make dreams come true, I don't get the final say, I don't have the final authority, and I don't get to dictate my wishes to the King.  But that does not mean I need to be discouraged or dismayed.  It does not mean my King does not want the best for me. It does not mean my dreams won't come true.

Hurricane Hilo taught me that there is no greater joy than to be smack-dab in God's will.  If I am in a storm He has allowed, it is the safest place to be--for He is with me.  I have no desire to convince anyone that I know that I know that I know that no matter what the outcome of the Hurricane would have been, His grace would have been sufficient.  It just IS sufficient for what IS, not for what might be.

I don't go there much in my thoughts but I would venture to guess some people have wondered..."It is easy for Linda to say God's grace is sufficient when the outcome has been positive. But what would she say had Eric been permanently disabled -physically or mentally? And what would she say had Eric passed away from this horrendous disease?"

And because God did not ask me to walk those paths, I don't have an answer.  But I do believe deep in my soul that His grace IS sufficient for whatever comes our way.  He said so and I believe Him.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And I believe He loves my family even more fiercely than I do.  Why He asks hard things of His followers, I have no easy answers.  There are no easy answers when love is involved.  I remember the day I brought Eric home from the hospital as a newborn.  As the evening settled in, I was knocked off guard by HOW MUCH I loved him and how scary that was! Anything could happen to him!  Life would never be the same.   But we don't let fear win the argument.  When we welcome a child into this crazy, broken world, we shout to our fears, "I CHOOSE LOVE!"  Had I cowed to fear, Eric would be an only child.

This leads me back (on a winding road) to my lesson...all we have is now.  We don't have tomorrow.  We can plan because God gave us brains and order and (indirectly) planners.  But He has the final say.  His purpose gets to prevail because He is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving and when all is said and done, He has the best plan of all. And He loves us more than we can love us.  This I know.

Lesson # 6 Ask God "When?"

March 2012, almost one year ago, I asked Eric what his goals were.  He replied in a Caring Bridge post the following:

If I had to rank all of my goals in order of highest priority it would go as follows:

1. Get off pain meds
2. Strengthen legs to equal strength
3. Run pain free
4. Work Full-time
5. Be quick & agile
6. Buy car/move out
7. Play all sports again

During physical therapy, when asked about goals, he responded: to be able to wrestle again, to be able to pitch again, to be able to run again, and to be able to sprint again.

Then I asked Eric, "When do you think you'd like to be doing those things?"  His answer was full of wisdom.  He said there is no time deadline, but that when he could do those things, he would know he had reached his goals.  He never said "if" and he did not place an arbitrary deadline onto the goals.  His "when" seemed to be in perfect alignment with God.  How wise!

God talks about the "if" and "when" of faith and believing.  Jesus was summoned by a desperate father to heal a sick child.  The father says to Jesus, "If you can, please heal my son"  And Jesus scolds the man, "If  you can?"  "Everything is possible for one who believes!"  And then the father quickly comes to his own defense, saying, "I do believe but help me Jesus with my unbelief!"   (see Mark 9:23-25)

We also ask, "When Lord, how long, Lord, how long?"  King David cried out in anguish in Psalm 6:3 those very words.  How much longer Lord?  When can I have an answer?  When is it enough?  When will you come to my rescue?

At his worst pain in Hawaii, Eric looked at me, eyes filled with desperation mixed with a bit of despair, and asked, "When will this end? What if it doesn't get better?"

Those are some tormenting questions from a child.  I don't remember what I said.  What would you say to someone in deep agony where no one- not even the experts- sees any light at the end of the tunnel?  That is the "IF" that screams in us during our times of extreme torment.  When Eric's head was throbbing, and his nerves were on fire, and every move, sound, and sensation was like a knife stabbing him, he wondered IF it would get better.  He cried out for  an answer to "When will this end?!".  And fought off the disturbing, "What if it doesn't?"


I remember being on my knees in the chilly, basement chapel of Hilo Medical Center- begging God with the words of Psalm 6:3-  How much longer, Lord?  How much longer?  Please let things change!  MOVE! NOW!

I learned to rest on faith that God's timing is best. He has reasons beyond my comprehension.  He hears our cries and asks us to believe that EVERYTHING is possible with Him.

To take the "when" and apply it to Eric's list:

1. He is still on pain medications.  Just today he asked us to run to the pharmacy to pick up his refills.  He is needing less pain medication as time goes by.  It's a slow journey but we see progress, for sure.
2. His gait includes a slight limp.  Equal strength in the legs- not yet.  But strong enough to run.  Limp-schmimp.
3. He runs now.  Not sure it is pain-free but I do think that the pain he encounters is the day after a hard run, not during.  I'll ask!
4. Work full time.  Well he worked full time this summer and he is in school full time now.  That sounds like a resounding NOW!
5. He demonstrates improvements in both quickness and agility.  He would not be pitching 70 MPH to the U of M Women's team if he did not have some speed and agility.  Room for improvement, probably- but is that not true for all of us with most everything?
6. He has a car and he moved out.  Now. And now.
7. He played football with the cousins at Thanksgiving.  He ran in the Turkey Trot they threw together.  He played softball all summer.  He wrestled in the High School wrestling room as an alumni.  All with some limitations.

Lots of "now" answers to the "when" question.  But lots of "not yet" to others.  Perhaps "never" to some.  But only because that will be the best answer for the most people for the most glory to God.

Go ahead- ask God when!

Lesson # 5 We All Bleed Red

I start to wonder if I have any right to speak on Eric's story. Is it right for me to talk about someone else's story?  I mean, shouldn't Eric do the talking?   This is his story; this happened to him, after all.  But a gentle answer from the  Holy Spirit reassures me there is room for my words on the subject.

The Spirit reminded me of the greatest story ever told- Jesus Christ crucified; our salvation through Christ's death payment.  Whose story was that? It was Jesus' story.  But truly, his mother, Mary, had a story of her own.  And if she were here today, I sure would want to hear her side of things!  Probably because it would match up so closely with my feelings, thoughts, and concerns.  Although we do not have any record of Mary speaking about the crucifixion and all that led up to it and all that followed, I am convinced she had an audience, all the same.  Her best friends wanted to know, right?  Her neighbors had curiosity, not?  How did she deal with all of it?  What went through her mind?  She knew a broken heart. She endured what no mom ought to endure.  She was helpless to help her son.  She had a story, too.

Which leads me to the lesson learned- we all bleed red.  We all have wounds.  We all have scars. We all get lost.  We all cry tears. We all get stabbed by cruel words and unfair judgments.  We all fall down. We all lose faith. We all wonder why.  We all have doubts. We all bleed red.

I don't care how immaculate Mary was- she was a mom and she was a human being and she had to have wondered why, cried, sank into the depths, lost her bearings, wished it were not so, and hurt so deep she could scarcely breathe....

And we would listen to her story!  It would never grow old or lose its salt.  I am sure of it.  For the very power of Almighty God is upon it.  It is story of His living, breathing grace-- which is new every morning!

So, I will get that speaking gig started.  As unsure as I am about every aspect of it.  The reason my story is worth telling is because the power of Almighty God is in it.  It is His story- it is about His living, breathing grace.  That never gets old.

Hawaii showed me that people are kind. Wherever we go, goodness and mercy follow us. (Psalm 23) Hurricane Hilo awakened in me the realization that we are all on this rugged journey of life, working to figure it out.  We all need a Savior.  We all have one, if we receive Him.  And we all get cut...and we all bleed red.  

Lesson # 4 A Time to Laugh

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. - Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

What's so funny?

The funny thing is, Rat Lungworm Meningitis at its worst, had Eric wondering if he would ever want to laugh again.  It hurt him to consider the idea.  Much like you wonder if you will ever want to eat again when you are crouched over a bucket retching with the stomach flu. 

 To laugh when Eric was in such deep agony would have been bad timing.  I did not even want to put the TV on, for fear some comedy would taunt Eric in his misery.  His nerve hypersensitivity was so extreme at one point on this journey that a pineapple tidbit falling onto his lap while I fed him would send him writhing.  He did not cry, as that would have caused additional nerve pain.  Instead, he winced. He would holler out and then close his eyes and barely breathe.  I could see tears roll out the sides of his closed lids.  If timing is everything, that was NOT the time to laugh.

But right before Eric ended up in ICU, God gave me the gift of laughter.  If you asked me what time it was in Hawaii, I'd a had to say, "It's a time to weep"  For everything there is a season, and that was a season of tears.  Yet, just before things took a turn for the worst, God prescribed the best medicine- laughter.

Eric was beginning to hallucinate.  Sort of. It was not due to high fevers, but most likely to the parasites swimming precariously close to brain matter.  They stayed this side of the meninges- the outer lining of the brain (where they dog-gone died after about 7 weeks of swim fun)- but there is never room in a person's brain for worms, right?!  I recorded the following episode.  Eric told me upon waking on the morning of November 27th, that he had talked to Joe.  I was quite surprised for a number of reasons.  One, I was with Eric almost all waking hours and two, Joe never calls anyone. So I say, "Really?, When?" And Eric continues, "Well, not just now, but I was talking to him and he was watching The Lion King and I asked Joe who was the voice of the Lion and Joe said he didn't know.  I told him to guess but Joe couldn't guess.  Then I told him it was my voice.  Not really my voice, but my voice.  It is hard to explain.....oh crap! What am I talking about?  I hate this! I make no sense. Whatever...."

 It was funny, sort of, but not funny, really.  Not at that moment.  What was happening to Eric's mind to send him into a strange sort of land where Joe Reinert makes phone calls?  Later, when that nonsense talk resurfaced, I ought to have been a crazy mom-- hysterical with fear.  But God's grace walked through the door and changed things.  

 A radiologist, David, at the hospital contracted Rat Lungworm.  He was out of work for nearly a year.  He had recently returned.  He stepped into the room and proceeded to share with me his episodes of nonsense.  He said he was out of it for most of the seven weeks he was in the hospital and he cannot really remember much pain, but he does have vivid memories of believing he was in a strange hospital that turned into a homeless shelter.  The man next to him was taking out David's IV.  He kept assuring David it was OK.  David remembers wondering what happened to the doctors and nurses?  Was this really how things had to be in America?  It was that real to him.  

 But the part of David's story - the part that God used as medicine for my fearful heart - was when David mentioned the cats.  He said every time someone came to visit him, many cats followed.  They always got in the door.  Even when David asked people to be sure to not let the cats in.  They would sit on his lap.  He would ask his visitors to please take the cats away.  The worst part of the cats in the homeless shelter hospital was the shape of their heads.  David said they were square-headed cats.  1950's flat-top cats.  Creepy.  

 This all was a relief.  A way to laugh at the danger.  A way to face the fear and say, "Ha!, You can't scare me!" And a way to reconcile Eric's condition with hope of recovery.  Eric talked about wanting to eat his supper- sitting on a tray right in front of him.  But he couldn't.  There was all that dirt in the way.  And he had to dig it up.  And yet he kept telling me he wanted to eat.  I kept telling him to go ahead and eat.  I would help.  He just argued.  And like a light switch, he turned off the crazy talk.  And ate.  

If you are in a season of weeping, I pray God offers up a prescription of hope: Laughter- the best medicine.  In a small dose, perhaps.  Since, maybe things are still not at all funny.  But may you find something about your situation to laugh at. May God send you the healing touch of humor. 

And on a final note, when Eric visits, the glorious music of his laughter fills the air.  What a joyful noise!

Lesson # 3 God Promises an Abundant Life!

Just to make it clear from the start- before lessons accumulate and someone credits the wrong source.  These are not my lessons.  I am not teaching or preaching anything from my capacity.  I'm empty.  If I were full of lessons to teach from "me", I'd be full of it, all right.

No.  This series of lessons is simply things I learned.  My lessons from God.  I share what I have learned with you because His wisdom is for everyone.  He can teach through me.  He can do anything He wants with this blog.  I learned a lot from His mighty hand.  And I am recording the lessons on paper lest I forget.

So a lesson from Hurricane Hilo- Lesson # 3 in my blog- is to make perfectly clear who gets the credit.  Jesus is the Teacher, Author, and final Authority.  These are His lessons.  Nurse Veronica's words continue to ring in my ears:  "Remember Who is in control here, not you!  God is in control!"

If your day seems 'out of control', perhaps you've forgotten Who's in charge.  It's good for me to reflect on His character:

• Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2) ~ He writes my story.
• God is the beginning and the end; the All-Powerful (Revelation 1:8) ~His is the last say.
• Jesus is the bread of life (John 6:35) ~What am I hungry for?
• He is the Good Shepherd (John 10:14) ~A most trustworthy guide.
• The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)~ Ah, to rub shoulders with that kind of peace!

John 10:10 says the enemy has come to steal, and kill, and destroy.  

Steal our peace of mind. Steal a good night's sleep.  Steal our joy.  Kill our dreams.  Kill all hope. Kill our enthusiasm.  Destroy relationships.  Destroy life, itself.  

John 10:10 goes on to say, "But I (Jesus is talking) came that you may have LIFE and have it in abundance!  Have it to the full. Till it overflows!"

Abundant peace. Abundant rest.  Abundant joy.  Dreams-come-true. Hope eternal. Abundant energy and enthusiasm, and good relationships.  Abundant LIFE.

I learned some of these things from childhood.  But some lessons don't stick the first time around.  Hurricane Hilo left an imprint on my soul.  Every "abundance" I could imagine (and beyond my imagination) poured upon my family during and after this storm.  

As hard as "this" is for you right now, (whatever this is) grab hold of the truth of John 10:10.  He comes into your life to bring an overflow of goodness through this.  Even this.  

Lesson # 2 Grow Where You are Planted

But those that are planted on the good soil are ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirty fold and sixty fold, even a hundredfold. -Mark 4:20

God planted people to be growing in our path long before we ever knew we would need them.  For example, God planted Tony seventy-five years before I would need him to be on the same plane, in the same Honolulu airport, heading in the same direction as me.  Tony is a retired military man who has traveled the world.  But God planted this good man in good soil (Tony loves the Lord) and in due season, Tony was right where God needed him to be.  And Tony was able to bear much fruit, as his spirit was kind and his heart was soft.  In other words, Tony noticed me.  Had he been self-centered and cold-hearted, he would not have cared about my distress. He may have ignored it.  Most likely he would not have seen it.

God planted Kim to be along for the journey to Kansas. She drove. She had a kind spirit and a soft heart to take me to Kansas City International. I did not know Kim two years ago.  

God planted Mary and Nathan at the organic farm in Pahoa. Eric needed kind men to bother to return him to the ER after the first trip resulted in being sent home with antibiotics.  Those boys saved Eric's life. I have no doubt.  Eric languishing in pain was too afraid to drink water because that meant an excruciating trip to the bathroom. Rat Lungworm Meningitis may not have killed Eric directly, but dehydration and organ failure could have.  Meningitis is a swelling of the lining of the brain.  Those parasites were literally eating the sugar from Eric's spinal fluid.  It was the good ship, Lollipop; a free trip to the candy shop. Those critters traveled until they were trapped in the meninges of Eric's brain, where they died.  

It is a scenario that is hard for a mom to think about, let alone write on paper.  But the truth is, Marty and Nathan could have sided with the farmer who thought western medicine was of little use to Eric. They could have used the available excuses that made it hard to get to Hilo: one car to share with all the workers, an hour's drive, we've already taken him once and were sent back home, there was work to be done, why not give the antibiotics more time, why not let Eric sleep it off.   I am so glad those boys had kind spirits and soft hearts.  They heard Eric's plea.  They saved his life.

God planted Sharon, Graham, and David (Rat Lungworm survivors) to be willing and able to walk into Eric's room for "show and tell". They showed us they beat the Rat.  They told us the hope of medicine, time, therapy, and faith.  When you are in the midst of a great storm it is nearly impossible to imagine calm. God planted these people, allowed them to contract RLW, and through that experience they grew to be compassionate, willing, partners in His grace.

God planted Russell, Veronica, John, Martin, Robert and many other highly competent medical professionals at Hilo Medical Center to care for Eric and to hold me up.  I call them pillars.  When you have a hard time walking in the wind, it is good to have pillars lining your path.  You can lean on them, stop and rest, and gain some composure to continue on.

God planted Sally D, Sally J, Jan, and Alice as pillars at the Kansas writers' conference. "May I pray with you?" on their name tags translated to me, "I have God on the phone, what do you need?"

God planted Dr. Martell.  You see Dr. Martell is a Rat Lungworm expert because, as he said, someone has to be!  No one knows much about this awful disease that Dr. M refers to as a "train wreck".  Hard to treat something you know nothing about.  Dr. M was in Europe for two months.  He got back to Hilo in late October.  He doesn't work in the ER, but he caught sight of Eric's train wreck and ordered the experimental, yet best-option, treatment.  This gave Eric a three week jump-start.  Those parasites did not register on any test until spinal tap number three.  Dr. Martell was growing in the right place at the right time on November 10, 2011.

God planted Puna Covenant Church and Christ Lutheran Church with loving members.  Eric's name made their prayer lists.  Members stopped in to pray.  They brought cookies and socks, sandwiches and love.  Barbara knew how to knit so well that she could pray 16,000 stitches into socks for me. When did God plant that seed?  She baked my three favorite kinds of Christmas cookies.  I didn't tell her.  God did.

God planted good seeds back home, as well.  Entire classrooms rallied around Eric's wellness campaign.  Mr. Becker's third graders sent the sweetest cards.  Ms. Albitz's art class sent wallpaper of hope. Mr. McDonald got the wrestling team to send encouraging words.  Danice, Denise, and Rose worked together to send a blizzard of love.  Hundreds of you bothered to sign a snowflake.  

I could go on.  And on.   The point is, those who grow where they are planted- with a soft heart toward God- bear much fruit!   It might take seventy-five years for one of the branches to produce, but when it does, look out!  And grab a bushel basket.

The thing is, no one looks at their every-day circumstances and thinks they are doing mighty deeds. All I can do is to try to convince you, those every-day deeds are so important their value cannot be measured by earthly standards.  The tiniest of kindnesses made all the difference in the world to us.  Be open, be aware, be kind-spirited, and be softhearted.  You will bear much fruit!

Lesson # 1 God is a very present help in trouble

Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. 

God is our shelter.  Our refuge.  Our safe-haven. He is a “place” to go to where we can breathe a sigh of relief.  Breathe.  Not anxiously await the other shoe to drop.

And where did that saying come from?  Waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I have said it and I have felt the anxiety of it. 

It seems from a little research that it dates back to the days when wooden buildings had thin ceilings and you could hear nearly everything that happened upstairs.  When someone took off a show and dropped it on the floor, it made a clunk that might startle someone, especially at night.  If you were trying to sleep, you had to wait for the other shoe to drop to feel comfortable drifting back to sleep.    It has come to mean waiting for what comes next, if it seems inevitable. 

More bad news. Inevitable. Anxiety!  It is just a matter of “when”.  What a terrible way to live!

But when you have had a huge storm hit, I must say that human nature can lead to such thoughts.  I maybe never said it out load, but my mind whispered to my heart, When do you think the other shoe will drop?  If this could happen, what else will happen?

No wonder Jesus spoke so sternly about worry.  No wonder he got demanding in the face of fear.  Do not be afraid! Do not worry, Do not be discouraged!  No wonder he kept it simple… Be courageous! Take heart!, Peace, be still. 

God spoke directly to me through Russell the radiologist.  He looked me in the eye and said, “You are here for a reason.  You are here for a reason. God has a plan here. He is with you!” 

And sweet and gentle nurse Veronica switched on her mom voice and put on her sergeant face and said, “Don’t you forget who is in charge here.  Not you!  God is in control!” 

Both Russell and Veronica spoke to me as one speaks to a child who is beginning to show signs of panic.  They allowed God to speak through them. And God was not mincing words.  He said through them:  I am your shelter.  I am your strength.  I am your help in this trouble. In this present trouble- I am here. Now!  Got it?  

Got it!

He was a very real help.  Practical as the day is long.  We sometimes get the idea that God is all harps and cloud fluff.  Or we get the feeling that He is so far “out there” that He could not possibly care about our insignificant troubles.  But when they are your troubles, they are not insignificant!  And He says He knows the number of hairs on our head!  If something were insignificant, I would think hair counting would be right up at the top of the list.  But Jesus talked about it in the Bible.  He also mentions sparrows.  And lilies.  So perhaps if flowers and birds are that important, my life matters, too.

In Hawaii and back home, all through our ‘time of trouble’, God was in the details.  

He gave me a house.  Pedar and Lona opened up their home to me.  Lona just strolls up to third floor from her second floor post as a surgical nurse and offers a room in her house.  Every night I breathed a sigh of relief as I entered that shelter. My safe-haven.  My refuge.  Every morning a thermos of coffee greeted me.  God – a very present help in times of trouble!

He gave me a car.  The rental car was costing me hundreds of dollars a week.  And I barely drove 2 miles a day.  Norman walks into intensive care and asks if I could use a car.  He has one he stores for a couple of snowbirds.  They won’t be arriving to Hawaii until January.  And Norman doesn’t just drop off a car, he gives me a first-class tour of the town and all the ocean beaches I might like to return to if I have some time.  Details.  Small stuff, like directions to the ocean. 

He fed me. Sandwiches from Trish and Becky.  Lunch dates with Sharon. Lunch voucher from Theresa. Meals back home. More meals back home.  And Joanie organizing all that.

He clothed me.  Tony, who gave me a ride from Hilo International to Hilo Medical, returned to give me a ride to Wal-Mart.  Tony thought I might need some clothes and perhaps a toothbrush…and some other shoes besides clogs.  Barbara knitted me a pair of prayer socks.  16,000 stitches of prayer.  I wear them whenever I feel the need to have extra-sound footing.  And Kaitlyn and her mom crocheted Eric and me prayer shawls. There is nothing quite like wrapping yourself in a shawl that a whole McFarland Wisconsin church congregation prayed over. 

He sent money.  You cannot get more practical than a dollar bill.  God provided our family with abundant financial assistance.  Dave paid for Joe and Lily’s school lunches for the month of November.  My family (both sides) pooled money to send Bean on an airplane over Thanksgiving to be with Eric and me.  Sandy and Randy gave all their frequent flier miles to us for a first class trip home. Pedar and Lona dropped off some travel money.  Linda P and a slew of people pooled their resources and bought my children Christmas presents.  Jerry and Maxine made sure that my kids got some additional spending money. Michelle paid my traffic ticket in time for me not to lose my license!  And that is just scraping the surface.  Dozens of people donated to the trust fund.  Many anonymously.  Runners ran. Givers gave. Cookers cooked. Prayers prayed. Visitors visited. Cleaners cleaned. And Doers did. (you know who you are!)

I would have forgotten some of those details. Like my kids back home need lunch money- forgot!  My traffic ticket is due- forgot!  We will need a handicapped bathroom-and we don’t have one…oops, how will that work?  God responded the same as always, “I’ve got that covered”

And He used the good people around us- He used whoever would respond with a loving heart.  He did that for us.  He WILL DO THAT FOR YOU!  Just ask!

Lessons Learned from Hurricane Hilo.

I learned so much during what I dubbed the "Hawaii Ordeal” Thinking it might be creative to call it "Hurricane Hilo", as it was a storm and it was a big one.  And it was in Hilo.  Lessons learned from Hurricane Hilo.  

What I plan to do is number the lessons, starting with Lesson #1.  They won't be prioritized for significance.  I won't put them in chronological order.  I simply want to number them to keep track of how many lessons I learned and then to - one day- take all those lessons and begin to assemble the book I intend to write.  

I hope there are a few readers out there who will hold me accountable.  Those who might nudge me if too much time lapses between posts.  "Hey, haven't seen anything new on your blog for awhile!"  Readers who might post some comments to encourage me and challenge me.  Always good to have challenges.  Perhaps you will challenge a point I make or relate your own take on a lesson learned.  I have a lot to learn, even from the lessons learned!

So, today marks the beginning of Lessons Learned from Hurricane Hilo.  I will start my numbering in my next post.  I plan to post regularly.  For sure 4 times a week.  You can't write a book unless you write, you know.  Not sure that any followers will read that often, but you can stop by and pick up where you left off.  The path will be marked clearly with numbered lessons.  

We all have storms.  Life blindsides us.  Sometimes we get warning of a storm brewing.  Sometimes they hit us so unexpectedly that we lie in amazement- how did we end up on the floor?  What was that that just hit?  Sometimes, God sends us into a storm with intention.  Sometimes we end up amid a storm that was partly our making.  Sometimes this fallen world shows it's imperfections and we end up innocent victims of the ravages of the brokenness of this life.  

No matter how we find ourselves in a storm, there is One who is with us IN the storm.  A teacher, a guide, a protector, a counselor, a king, and, best of all, a Savior!   For those who believe in the saving name of Jesus Christ, the worst that can happen to us in a storm is that we are sent Home.  Home with a capital H.  Eternal life means life never ends.  It changes, yes.  But it goes on...